don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
