We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
