I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
