Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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