you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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