I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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