whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
