I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
