Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
