my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
