I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
