Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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