Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
