i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I will be naked everywhere
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
