I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
