that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
