i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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