is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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