Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
