Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
