Your tits are I can't wait for
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
