I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
