Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
