Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

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(815): View more from Illinois

The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He's only a little bit crosseyed.

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..

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(718): View more from New York

He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.

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(313): View more from Michigan

So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far

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(773): View more from Illinois

So apparently I’m into choking now

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