then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
