Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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