Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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