I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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