All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
