i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My bed smells like the plague
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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