you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
