i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
