he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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