Where is the hickey?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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