is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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