Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
