I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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