the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
