Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
