Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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