god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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