I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he shaved USA in his pubs
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
