high people should be assigned attendants
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize