Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
