I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
