The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
