Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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