My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
