Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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