Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
