hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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