Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
