...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
