so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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