he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
