and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
