I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
