Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You left your phone here
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