mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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