i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
