he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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