Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
