i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
