Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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