i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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