i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
