I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
