OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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