Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
