i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
