So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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